


Yesterday

by Lindsey (Lipstick)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lipstick/pseuds/Lindsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's only by chance that Eren Yeager meets Mikasa Ackerman on a bright, sunny day. He falls for her quickly, but it was impossible for him to know then that the great love of his life would also be the one to slip through his fingers. As they both lead their lives, first together then apart, neither quite forget about each other for very long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Divine Intervention

On the first day of summer, although Eren doesn’t realize it at the time, he meets the future love of his life; she will ironically be the one that gets away, but he doesn’t know that either. 

He meets her on a sunny Sunday morning, when blue jays are chirping obnoxiously and filling the warm air with their songs. He’s just turned sixteen and it’s his first real job where he won’t have to cut grass for extra cash or save up money from holidays and birthdays. He’s also incredibly nervous and terrified of making a large, irreparable mistake at his new workplace. (What if he accidentally gives a hundred dollars back instead of ten? What if he forgets to leave out a ‘Wet Floor’ sign and someone breaks a leg and sues?) He’s spent most of the early morning greeting customers with a cheerful, “Good morning!” and ringing up their purchases as carefully as possible. 

His boss, Levi Ackerman, is an adult who was once a child his mother babysat years before Eren was born. She was a second parent to him for many years when his own weren’t around. When Eren began looking for a job, his mother had immediately thought of Levi, who had gone away to college and returned with a business degree. Levi had started a small grocery mart downtown and although it didn’t compete in prices with bigger grocery chains, it was thriving fairly well. Customers didn’t come for the great deals. They came for the welcoming, homey touches that were around the shop, from the electric candles by the cash register to the smiling faces of its few employees. It’s ironic to Eren that Levi, who is so obsessed with neatness and order, has a tendency to leave his shop in such disarray, an organized chaos of sorts. 

It’s constantly cluttered with objects and knickknacks that aren’t really related to grocery shopping. Levi begs to differ, but Eren isn’t so sure that perfume and cologne are what customers want when buying groceries. He’s been forced to acknowledge in the past that Levi is the one with a degree out of the two of them, so, yes, maybe Levi knows what he’s doing more than Eren. Levi often leaves Eren alone in the store, which to Eren seems irresponsible and unprofessional, but empowering all the same, as Eren likes to pretend that the store belongs to him when Levi is gone. 

In any case, Eren often feels as though a majority of his days are spent cleaning and reorganizing while pointing out where certain things are to customers, because in all the chaos, they often have a hard time locating particular items. 

It’s because of the clutter that he meets Mikasa Ackerman. She can’t find a single thing in the store she’s come looking for, from butter to baking soda. He’s mopping the floor where a child had spilled their juice earlier when she comes up to him, asking, “Excuse me… I can’t seem to find some of the items on my list. Could you help?” 

When he looks up and sees that one of the most beautiful girls to ever approach him was talking – to him, no less – he almost forgets how to speak. She’s his height (maybe an inch taller, if his pride will let him admit it) with solemn, serious eyes and pretty lips. She’s wearing a summer dress that touches the ground, long and white with printed roses. It’s simple but cute and it takes him a few moments to find words. He’s proud of his adult-like response when he answers, “Yes, of course, ma’am!” His mother would be so proud of his manners. 

Eren soon came to understand that when the girl had said she needed help finding ‘some items’ she really meant, “I can’t find any of them, please point them all out to me.” He spends the next twenty minutes walking around the store with her, periodically helping other customers in between. Sunday mornings were often slow, though the rush tended to pick up in the evenings when customers remembered things they would need for the week. She doesn’t seem to mind him being interrupted, waiting patiently each time for him to continue helping her after. 

Within a short period of time, he finds out her name is Mikasa Ackerman (“Are you related to a Levi Ackerman?” he’d asked, though her confused expression answered him). He finds out she’s sixteen, too, and that she’s two months older than him. He learns that she’s from around the area and has lived nearby for most of her life, only a city away.

“I wonder how come I’ve never seen you around,” Eren comments. “I know most of the people at school.” 

“You wouldn’t remember me even if you had met me,” she answers, her tone light as she skims through the brands of butter available. He likes the way she nibbles on her thumb when she’s thinking, the way her fingertips skim some of the boxes before she picks a brand.

“I don’t think I could forget a face like yours.” The words slip out like water from a cracked dam. He knows his face is red and he’s praying she doesn’t catch the tension he’s sure he’s emanating. He watches her walk farther down the aisle and for a moment he thinks he’s gotten away with the comment. She’s biting her nail this time as she’s staring at the milk. (He wonders, for a second, if she likes whole or skim. He’s pleasantly surprised when she picks a gallon of chocolate milk – his favorite kind, too.) 

“I was home schooled, so if you’re trying to remember me from your classmates, you’re not going to find anything.” She speaks with clarity and confidence and it makes her all the more attractive, even if it’s at the expense of acknowledging his words. He hears intelligence in her voice and he would place money that reading is a favorite pastime of hers. He’s sure she’s going to tell him something else, but she hesitates, and he can see her change her mind as she says, “This is all I need today.” 

He wants to ask her more about herself, but he can’t think of an excuse to make her stay. He doubts he’ll see her again, as he knows there’s a larger market closer to her house. She’s only come down to his store because, as she tells him, “My dad offered to get groceries this week since my mom isn’t feeling well. I know he doesn’t like to do it so I offered to come in for him. He’s taking a nap in the car.” He thinks she’s kidding, but he can’t be sure by the serious tone of her voice. 

When she leaves, the store seems a little drabber. He finds he has a hard time mustering up genuine hellos to the rest of the day’s customers.

\-----

She returns the following Sunday.

“Bread,” she says, nonchalant. “The bread was moldy at the bakery near my house. Do you have any fresh loaves?” 

It’s astounding to Eren just how quickly he falls for Mikasa Ackerman. She comes by every Sunday for two months with a different reason as to why she can’t shop at the store closest to her. (Last week, she said, her store didn’t have a specific brand of cheese, and wanted Eren to see if he had it in stock.) He finds himself looking forward to her regular visits and soon she stops making excuses to come by. She tells Eren she likes spending the mornings there and that her parents don’t mind, so long as she stays out of trouble.

She becomes a part of the structure and soon she begins greeting customers too, pointing them in the right direction for things they need. Eren swears more boys start to show up on Sunday mornings than any other day, but Mikasa only laughs and tells him he’s over thinking when he mentions it to her.

Levi finds her one morning assisting a young woman to the produce. He hangs back, watching her chat with the customer as she escorts the woman over. He doesn’t know what they’re talking about, but they’re laughing together; her amiable attitude is a change from the norm. He knows she’s been around frequently, much as Eren has been attempting to hide it.

As Mikasa is walking away, Levi stops and asks her, “Do you work here?” 

Although he knows the answer as well as her, she wants to say that in some ways she does work there, as she’d been spending so much time around recently. 

“No,” she answers honestly. “But I’d like to.” 

She starts the following day. 

Her first day on the job is a Monday and happens to also be the same day she meets Eren’s best friend, Armin Arlert, for the first time. He volunteers on his days off, which are sometimes Sundays and sometimes Mondays but never any other, as an excuse to add community service to his college applications. Armin is scrawny and awkward but Mikasa likes him. She can relate to feeling out of place and Armin appreciates her sincerity, especially of her interest in his books. She asks about his favorite authors and topics; she smiles at appropriate times and Eren can see Armin falling in love with Mikasa, too. They find out they live close to each other, no more than a ten or fifteen minute walk apart. 

Soon after meeting, Armin’s mom is waiting outside to take him home and he has to go, much to his dismay and Eren’s joy – he’s looking forward to having her to himself again. As Armin leaves, he waves quickly at Eren but makes a point to let Mikasa know he hopes to see her again soon. 

“Armin is smart,” she comments to Eren after he’s left. “He sounds very intelligent when he talks. I have a feeling he’s going to be very famous one day for something.” 

Eren laughs at her premonition. “Armin doesn’t like being in the spotlight. If he ever becomes famous for something, we won’t know about it till years later. Anyway, I’m going to be famous before him.”

\----- 

A few weeks after she starts working with him, Eren decides to make his first attempt at asking her out on a date. ‘First’ implying he had to ask her twice, which he did, because she didn’t hear him properly the first time around.

After he asks, she looks at him, confused, and says, “I already have peaches here, why would I need more?” 

So he found himself forced to repeat his question again. 

With a couple of loud coughs and a red face, he intentionally avoided her gaze as he asked again, “Do you wanna go to the beach?” He knew she understood the second time because she stopped putting peaches on the shelves. 

She looked back him -- he, who was awkwardly standing behind the cash register, avoiding her gaze and playing with the nickels and dimes -- and her face had been almost unreadable, if not slightly pink as well. He’s spent so much time with her lately that it only seemed natural to finally, officially, ask her out. Over the last couple of weeks, she had progressively been spending more and more time with him, particularly at the store but also lately at his home. She was coming over after almost every shared shift and staying for hours at a time, always to be dropped off at her home by his parents before it got too late. 

His parents love her. 

They ask about her constantly when she isn’t there and cater to her more than him when she is. She’s polite and doesn’t speak much when they’re around, but they adore her all the same. She tells funny stories about her home life, which, for a single child of an engineer father and homemaker mother who home schooled her, she has a surprising amount of. Her laughter brings out his smile and he finds it hard to be miserable around her.

Eren thinks he might love her, too. 

When the night of their first date arrives, Eren takes her to the beach at night. He drives her in his mom’s car, one that would later become his after graduation, but he isn’t aware of it at that time. He’s driving her (a little illegally, for his age) to a place that’s special to him. She doesn’t seem to mind that he’s a slow driver or that the radio in the car is old and inefficient. Warbled love songs play on that radio, but all Eren can focus on is the pretty girl in jeans and a gray sweater next to him. 

Her long hair is braided, a look he hasn’t seen on her before. He’s sure her mom helped her do it for the night and he imagines Mikasa sitting in front of a mirror as her mother is lacing and looping her hair together, chatting about the plans for the night. He can smell her perfume too, a mix of honey and cinnamon. He feels a bit like a beetle next to a butterfly in his ripped jeans and shirt, a favorite old scarf of his swathed loosely around his neck to keep away chill. 

The night is cold and under street lamps nearby he sees her nose turning red, watches her rub her hands together and blow warm air into them. He takes off his scarf wraps it around her neck, red like the tip of her nose. Her cheeks turn a complimentary shade of pink as she thanks him. He hugs her as they watch the waves and count the stars, finding patterns among them. It’s pleasantly surprising the way her body molds so well with his; it’s almost like they are a pair of puzzle pieces that have found their perfect partners. 

He takes her to a twenty-four hour diner nearby after. She orders pancakes and coffee. (“No cream, please,” she asks. Her exemplary manners make him feel like a wild animal sometimes.) He orders waffles and coffee. (“Extra cream, if you could… Please,” he says. He can use good manners, too.) They talk about work, about their futures and things they want from life. They talk a surprising amount about each other. 

Mikasa plays with the edges of the scarf and Eren is cutting into his waffles when she asks, “Why did you ask me out, Eren?” 

Eren hesitates. Why did he ask her out? Was it out of necessity, since they were already together so much, or did he sincerely want more from her? He finds himself chewing slower than normal. He thinks about how he’s not sure he could live a real life any longer if she isn’t in it. When she isn’t around, he’s thinking of her, and when she is around, he just thinks of her even more. 

“I asked you out because… because I wanted to spend more time with you,” he says, and he hopes she understand that he’s too embarrassed to tell her he likes her. He’s drumming his fingers nervously on the table, tapping them in a rushed motion when she places her hand on his to still him; her touch calms his nerves. 

“I was just curious,” she replies. She doesn’t let him know of her own worries and insecurities, that she had hesitated earlier only because she hadn’t been sure if he was really asking her on a date or just to hang out as they had been lately. She eats her pancakes but only after drizzling an obscene amount of syrup on them (is this why she smells so sweet?) and they talk some more, this time about where they want to go to college the following year. 

Eren learns Mikasa wants to become a psychologist. Eren tells her about his desire to become a research scientist who cures childhood illnesses. 

“You’re cute,” she tells him with a curve of her lip. “You’re going to make a great dad someday.” 

His face flushes and he laughs. “No, I think you’ll make a better parent than I could ever hope to be.” She kicks him under the table and looks away, a lovely, rosy hue dusting her cheeks. 

“Speaking of kids…” Mikasa treads slowly with her words. “Why do you want to be a research scientist?” 

Eren pauses for only a moment before he answers. “When I was younger, I had a friend named Marco, and he passed away from a disease that even now they’re not sure of.” She hears his voice catch and immediately regrets her question. 

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to continue…” She sounds guilty and she starts twiddling with her fingers again.

“No, it’s okay, it’s a good question,” he attempts to reassure, his voice steadying. “It happened a long time ago now. But there isn’t a known cure for so many illnesses among children… I want to make a difference in that.” Slowly, a smile cracks on his face and he says, “Marco would’ve loved you.” 

Still feeling guilty, she again attempts to apologize, but he shakes his head to silence her. “Let’s just get you home, okay?” 

Eren drops her off in front of her house that night. He makes a point to get out and walk her to her door, despite her protests that she’ll be fine walking to the doorway by herself. It’s late, she reminds him. She doesn’t want to wake her parents up with their voices. 

Too bad, Eren thinks, as her parents open the door. They’d clearly been waiting for their daughter to come home safely. He meets them for the first time on their first date and somehow it’s fitting, he thinks, since they’re still young and both her parents are no doubt curious about the boy they’ve heard so much of. He shakes their hands, introduces himself by saying, “Hello, I’m Eren Yeager.” They kindly invite him inside. He knows he’s gone up a few points in their book for walking her to the door and he’s glad to accept their invitation despite Mikasa’s protests that he must be tired.

When it’s ten o’clock, her curfew time, the four of them are sitting around the dining room table talking. Mikasa recounts the beach and tells them how Eren pointed out constellations to her. They tell her parents about the small diner, that the coffee was okay and the food was mediocre, but it was cheap and convenient and they liked it. Eren asks her parents permission to take her out again the following Sunday.

Mikasa pretends not to see the way her parents’ smiles widen and she knows Eren is likely to be a welcome guest in her house – with supervision, of course. He’s passionate with his words and keeps the conversation flowing in ways she struggles with. He never runs out of topics to discuss and he’s always so animated when he talks about her, telling them how the days at work are better when she’s there and oh-so-boring when she’s not.

She knows her parents will grow to love him, if tonight is any indication.

When he’s leaving, her parents step out for, “just a moment,” leaving Mikasa to walk Eren outside to the porch. She finds the hesitation right before he kisses her cheek to be endearing. 

Mikasa knows she already loves him.


	2. a posteriori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone attempted reading this chapter in the first five-ten minutes of being posted, please refresh, as I did not realize there was an error in the way the paragraphs were lining up. I've since fixed them!

When their one-year anniversary comes around, Mikasa and Eren decide to celebrate by revisiting some of their old favorite, familiar places. They rise early on Sunday morning, Mikasa surprising Eren at his house by making him breakfast -- homemade waffles, eggs, and a cup of coffee with extra cream, just the way he’s always liked it. His sheepish and surprised smile makes getting up early with the sun entirely worth it. They spend the morning together talking quietly amongst themselves at the table.

“When will your parents be back?” Mikasa asks, twirling her scarf around her fingers. 

Eren shrugs his shoulders and cracks his knuckles. “I think they’ll be back sometime this week around Tuesday or Wednesday. My aunt is pretty ill. I know my mom wants to spend as much time with her as possible.” Eren thinks of his aunt who's much older than his mom and is likely going to pass soon. He has very few memories of her and none of them are particularly pleasant; he remembers cigarette smoke and beer bottles when he recalls her.  
  
After breakfast, Eren cleans up, and they spend the day at a local zoo. There’s a place to feed birds that Eren knows Mikasa loves; he takes photos of birds on her arms and head, a large smile on her face. Eren holds her hand as they walk around and he can’t help but feel proud, so damn proud, to have her as his; she’s lovely and wonderful. She’s perfect. 

They go to the beach after, right at sunset, and instead of pointing out constellations, attempt to make their own. Mikasa’s favorite is when Eren creates a bird and names it after her, teasing as he says, "You remind me of a bird, Mikasa. You're more of a free spirit than a caged animal." She's about to protest when he kisses her; she decides that being a bird isn't the worst description he could have conjured.  
  
She’s grateful that these moments have not diminished between them.  
  
When school had rolled around for their junior year, Mikasa had been worried Eren would find her distance too annoying, that their less-frequent time together would be an excuse to avoid seeing her any longer.  
  
“Ridiculous,” Eren had teased, kissing her cheek after she’d confessed her worries. “You’re only twenty minutes away and anyway, when I’m around you I can’t get any work done.” He’d nipped at her neck above the scarf. “You’re too distracting. A little time apart will do us both some good.” She had almost pointed out that it was him who was easily distracted, but his lips swallowed her words. 

Instead, she decides to focus on her friendships with others in her neighborhood. Despite being home schooled, there were other children around her that she grew up with. A few mothers taught different lessons and throughout the week she would go to other boys and girls houses to learn other subjects. Her own mother taught science, a love developed by her father's influence. Her favorite house to visit is Jean’s, because his mother teaches history, a subject she excels at. Jean likes it when Mikasa comes over and always takes the chance to show her his numerous trophies, from academics to athletics; he never misses an opportunity to ask her out for coffee. 

She makes the mistake of accepting an invitation from him once, and only once. She’s sure he knows about Eren (don’t they all?) but at the end of the night, as he’s leaning in to kiss her, it’s clear he either doesn’t know or doesn’t care. There’s very few times she can recall being so uncomfortable, and, as she’s pulling away from a kiss on her cheek, she says, “I really thought you knew…” 

She can tell he’s more embarrassed than she is by the awkward silence that extends between them after. He clears his throat, awkwardly apologizing, before walking her to her car. As he’s hugging her goodbye, words are poised on her tongue, ready to tell him that she thinks he’s nice – handsome, even – that he has lots of desirable qualities, but she doesn’t. Wouldn’t that only make the situation worse? She decides not to tell Eren, convinced it would only fuel a dislike between the two of them. (That didn’t absolve her of a guilty conscious, however. She promptly drove to his house immediately after the impromptu date and kissed Eren with as much love as she could muster.)  
  
They’re seventeen, and this is their last year of high school; they’ll be going to separate schools after. Mikasa has her heart set on a top school for psychology, while Eren wants to travel across the country and study genetics. He’s attracted to the lure of another location and another place he can reinvent himself while at the same time being able to help further research. 

The same night they celebrate their one-year anniversary he confesses to her, in the same diner they had their first date, that he’s tired of the same faces and same people that surround them. He admits he’s bored with their monotonous routine and that he loves her, but if he didn’t have her, he wasn’t sure he’d still be around this small town. She knows his heart aches to go other places and be surrounded by the unfamiliar. It isn’t her idea of fun at all, but she tells him she’ll follow him to any place he goes. 

“You’re funny, Mikasa,” he says, although he’s not looking at her and she suspects he knows she isn’t kidding. “But your life is here. All you’ve ever told me is how much you want to stay here, close to friends and family. You want to start your own family here. You’ll get into any school you apply to. You always get what you want.” 

“It’s true,” she says, letting the topic slide a little. “I got you, didn’t I?” She reaches across the table to take his hand; she knows before he starts that he’s going to be rapping on the table with it any second. She picks up the ends of her scarf and runs it along the top of his hand, tickling him and startling him out of his thoughts.

“To be fair, I asked you out first,” he answers with a smile. He has a hard time believing it’s already been an entire year since he’d officially started dating her. _Lucky_ , he thinks, _I’m so very lucky_. He wraps his hand around hers and brings her chapped knuckles to his lips where he kisses each one. She tries to pull away, embarrassed by her rough hands, but he loves them; they hold his hands when he’s anxious and play with his hair till he falls asleep. 

It’s no coincidence that their first anniversary is celebrated with a first for something else, too. 

Mikasa loves Eren’s bed. She loves it more than her own. He’s an only child like her, but his parents bought him a queen-size bed all to himself, while hers is only a twin. His bed is black with large, white pillows. His comforter covers his whole bed and then some, the goose down blanket dragging on the floor. By far her favorite thing to do in his room is jump on his bed. She’s laying on it, fiddling with her scarf, when Eren walks in. 

His shirt is off, because it’s summer and it’s hot. He’s tempted to turn on the air conditioner, but there’s a sticky note by the thermostat that reads, “Don’t, Eren!” left by his mother. He glances at Mikasa before going to his window, cracking it open to let in the air. She wants to tell him it’s still humid outside and the window won’t help much, but she bites her tongue, instead favoring different words.

“Come here,” she murmurs, curling in her finger as she beckons him over. It’s an attempt to be seductive that seems to half-work – he comes, but she can see the laughing, teasing glint in his eye. He comes to stand on the side of the bed next to her and watches her close her eyes, partly in embarrassment and partly in an attempt to keep up her flirting manner. It’s adorable and he hopes she plans on doing it more often. 

He watches her close her eyes before sliding onto the bed next to her, knowing she’ll feel the bed dip a little as he joins her. There’s hesitation in the way he crawls next to her, unsure if she’ll be okay with this. It’s new to them both and, au contraire to what everyone around them thought, they had done… _things_ together, but had yet to take the last ‘official’ step. There had never been a need to, as it had always sufficed for them both to show love in many different ways. 

His fingers tug at her shirt for a moment before he moves to straddle her waist. His pajama pants are thin, made from a cotton material that he suddenly finds uncomfortable with her jeans poking him through it. 

“I’m here,” he announces, as though she can’t feel his weight. His fingers are unraveling the scarf around her neck as he murmurs to her, “I’m always here for you.” The scarf is light and worn out from the last year of use. He hadn’t known she’d grow to love the scarf so much the first time he wrapped it around her. Funny, he thinks, how that summer night had been chilly, and yet this one now was so damn hot. 

With her scarf gone, she’s left in nothing more than her tank top and pants, her tee-shirt from earlier stripped because of the heat. Her hair is splayed out beneath her, a black halo. Before he realizes it, he’s touching her hair, playing with it between his fingers. He wants to tell her how beautiful she looks, that her hair around her like this makes her look like a deity, but his tongue is heavy, thick, and the words sound cheesy in his head. 

He sees her eyes open and feels her fingers dance along his sides, tracing the outlines of his ribs. She seems to understand his thoughts, one of her hands covering his, some of her hair locked between their fingers. “I think you like it,” she teases quietly. His back arches when her other hands fingers wander farther back, tickling him up his spine. She knows his weak spots but rarely does she use them against him; tonight seems to be an exception. 

He leans down and kisses her, a quick peck. Her lips are as warm as the rest of her. Eren knows he loves her, doesn’t hesitate to tell her before he kisses her again. He’s sure she can feel him through his thin pants. He wants to be embarrassed, but he isn’t; she hasn’t pushed him away yet and he takes it as a positive sign when she kisses him back. She’s as weary and unsure as him, her hands settling on his hips. 

“We don’t… Mikasa, we can lay down and go to sleep right now.” He’s offering her a way out and although he can see the recognition in her eyes, she shakes her head. She hesitates only for a second before she slips her shirt off, wriggling around underneath him. She reminds him of a fish out of water and he has to stifle a giggle. 

There are very few occasions he’s seen her without her shirt on, and none without a bra. His hands cup her still-covered breasts, massaging with uneven motions. (Does it hurt? Should he stop? Are his fingernails even clipped?) He’s watching her expression, hoping he’s making the right choices. He’s never done this before with anyone and knows she hasn’t either. He can see her face flushing in the dark and her head turns away, although her hands begin tugging at his pants. 

He ignores her silent attempt and instead places kisses along her jaw, traveling down by hear ear and slowly, slowly, slowly he’s placing kisses between her breasts. He can feel his own breathing become unsteady and he notices the way her chest seems to be rising and falling quicker than before. He kisses at her chest and sucks, leaving a bright red mark on her warm, pale skin; he’s only done this one other time before she stopped him. He waits another second, wanting to see if she’ll ask to stop, but she doesn’t. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He whispers the words against her skin, hoping they’ll seep through her pores and into her body, her soul. 

“Eren… Please,” she’s asking. He doesn’t have to look up to know that she’s flushed and red for reasons that have nothing to do with the the heat of the room. 

He pulls a cup away from her bra, exposing a breast, and for a brief second all he wants is to be inside her. As he hears her sigh he thinks, _God, I fucking love her_. He ignores his needs for the time being in favor of hers. She rarely asks him for anything and he can’t help but feel the least he can do is help her in any way possibly can, especially now; after all, she did ask so nicely. 

“Please what, Mika?” he teases quietly, sucking and biting around her nipple. She’s squirming, and although he has an idea of where she’d _really_ like to be touched, he avoids it for the moment. Instead, he leaves a pink ring against her skin before he lets his tongue touch and trace, creating a wet trail over the pink one. He uses his hands to pop open her bra, surprised that underneath the little bow in the front of her bra was a clasp, something he wouldn’t have known if her hand hadn’t guided him there. 

She helps him slide it off of her shoulders. There has never been a moment till then that he’s seen her naked; certainly, he’s thought, even fantasized about it, but his imagination could never conjure something as realistic as having her truly in front of him. She sits up and starts unbuttoning her pants, wiggling her way out of them, saying, “Pull them down, Eren, please.” She’s good at making a demand sound like a request. He complies, and soon she’s only left in black underwear, almost invisible against his bedspread. 

He’s rushing to take off his own pants and he’s sure he catches her giggling for a moment. He wants to ask why she’s laughing and he’s praying she’s not going to make a comment about imagining ‘it’ being bigger. Instead, she lays herself back down and pulls Eren back on top of her. 

He can’t really remember a time when he was this hard; he can feel her opening through their thin layers of underwear. He’s sweating, nerves and desires straining. She doesn’t seem too apprehensive anymore as she tells him she loves him, lets him know that, “We can always just lay down…” How sweet she is to consider him and possibly think for a moment that maybe he’s not ready yet, either.

His hips move forward slowly, rubbing against her. Her quiet moan is music, one he replays for quite some time; he picks up the pace and slows down to see how she reacts. She’s louder when he’s moving slower, quieter when he’s faster. He’s careful and discrete when he lets a finger wander between them, stroking himself while touching her indirectly. 

She sits up and starts to take off her underwear when he stops her, placing a shaky, nervous hand over hers, whispering quietly, “Are you sure?” 

She considers his words a moment too long and he’s sure she’s about to change her mind when she slowly nods and takes off her underwear. He’s too embarrassed to look _down there_ and all he’s aware of is her saying, “Your turn.” 

Bossy, bossy, bossy. 

He’s not as quick about it as her and almost wants to roll under the bed in embarrassment when his underwear comes off. He’s hard and swollen, pre-cum soaking his underwear and all he can think is, _Do we have a condom?_

No, they don’t, he realizes, but he’s already out and she’s already open and he’s too excited to really care. She’s lying down again, worrying her thumb between her teeth. He leans forward and feels himself brush against her entrance as he takes her thumb away and kisses it. 

“Don’t worry,” he assures her. “We can go slow. Just let me know, okay?” 

“Slow,” she repeats, like a bird that seems more caged than free in that moment. “Very, very slow.”

It’s an agonizing kind of slow for him and he finds he’s in halfway when she’s squirming and saying, “You’re going too fast! Wait!” He wants to tell her he doesn’t know how long to wait. Should he wait ten seconds or two minutes? Should he try to keep pushing or pull out altogether? 

She’s tight and warm and fuck, fuck, fuck, why didn’t they do this sooner? He thinks of all the time they wasted watching movie reruns and wishes they’d spent it more productively.

When she rolls her hips gently into his, he takes the cue to move again, this time slower than before. She’s still wriggling, her breath catching, and when he sees her face scrunch like she’s in pain, he waits for the moment to pass. It takes them some time till he’s completely in but, fuck, the wait is worth it. 

He leans down close to her face, finds her lips and kisses them in a way he hopes is reassuring. When she kisses him back he moves again, sliding in and out slowly, deliberately waiting till she’s moving against him before he picks up his pace. It isn’t until he feels her tighten around him, her nails digging into his hips, that he knows he can cum; it takes him less than a minute after her and he feels too damn good to be embarrassed it was quick for him. 

After, she’s laying her head on his chest and he knows she’s slowly fading in and out. As he knows he’ll lose her to sleep soon, he kisses her temple and murmurs more words of endearment against her skin. He waits to sleep until he feels the steady, even breathing from her chest, letting him know he can rest, too.

\----- 

Summer is drawing to a close and Eren knows they’re going to have to go back to reality. He isn’t ready to face this truth yet, however, and he decides he’s going to surprise her one last time before it’s over. He packs a picnic for her, with peanut butter and jelly, bread, and her favorite cranberry juice. He’s sheepishly asked his mom to borrow her old basket, the one she’d used with his dad when they were younger. Her face had lit up considerably and she’d gone into a long, and what Eren felt was, irrelevant tangent about their first date and to keep the basket safe.

When Eren picks Mikasa up, he won’t tell her where they’re going, and he drives for a long time deeper into the country. Dark clouds hover in the sky, threatening a heavy rain but producing nothing more than a few sprinkles. But it’s also miserably humid and she already feels sweaty just sitting in his car. He stops at place that, to her, looks nothing more than a rest stop. Trees are plentiful and large, but Eren tells her, “I’ve got a specific place in mind,” and although she thinks any of these trees would be a perfect place to stop, she lets him lead. 

With one hand he holds hers, the other the basket, and they walk down a dirt trail. Eventually they come to a fork in the road and Eren goes left, walking only a few more minutes before he breaks away from the trail, clearly ignoring the “Stay on the Path!” signs. Mikasa looks around for a second, worried they won’t find their way back if they get lost, before she steps off the trail and follows him. She’s going to have to trust that he knows where they’re going.

She tries to talk to him a few times, but he simply grins and puts his fingers to his lips every time. It isn’t until they come to a specific tree that he looks at her and says, “Here, this is the place!” that she understands. 

The tree they’re under is clearly a willow, the long branches tickling at her face as she follows behind him. He’s still holding her hand, but this time she’s holding his hand tighter as she follows behind; he almost feels like her protector this way. When there’s a clap of thunder and she jumps, he turns and looks at her, leans in to kiss her quick. He knows she’s scared of the sound by the way her hand tightens and her steps become closer to his heel. They stop when they’re completely underneath and next to the trunk. It’s dark and cool, only a few rays of light coming through the branches. She looks at him and he’s watching her, waiting for her approval. 

Her eyes can’t pick a place to land, so engrossed in their surroundings is she. The silence around them that would normally be eerie on such a day offers them security in the knowledge that they’re alone. Her hands reach out and skim the branches of the willow that had tickled her face and she picks one up, running the leaves through her fingers. She’s never had someone care enough to take her to a place that’s clearly a secret to them. When she glances up, seeing the dark clouds through the branches, she worries for a second that there might be a clap of thunder once more – but when she looks at Eren, his face expectant and hopeful, she knows she doesn’t really have a reason to worry. 

She doesn’t think twice before she goes over and kisses him, prying the basket from his hands at the same time. Setting it down, she maneuvers him to the trunk of the tree, grabbing his hands and placing them on her waist. Her lips trail down his jaw, his neck, following along the cut of his shirt. One of his hands wanders up, lacing itself through her hair, tugging gently at the soft strands. 

“I love you,” she whispers, nipping at his neck. There’s a soft moan from him as his hands slip under her shirt and he reciprocates her words. They spend the rest of the date in a blur, food untouched. 

\-----

Summer is over and Eren isn’t ready to admit it, not even when school starts up again. He’s forced to go back to his high school and she’s back to spending time with other students and their mothers. They’re finding less and less time for each other this year than last. Their time together dwindles from a few nights a week to almost none. Four months into starting the school year, Levi then tells them that their work shifts will no longer be three nights a week together and they will instead only have one shared shift on Mondays. 

“We need a more even coverage on all nights,” he says when Eren complains. “You’re both here to work, not mess around.” 

Eren misses her, but what worries him most are the times when he realizes he hasn’t thought about her in a while. He’s started going two, three days without seeing her. Before he realizes it, it’s already been a week. He’s caught up in advanced classes and applying for colleges while Mikasa is... What is she doing? He can’t remember the last time he sat down and asked about her day. He makes a point to call her that same night and they spend twenty minutes on the phone making small chat. When they hang up, he feels as though he’s ended a conversation with a telemarketer and not his girlfriend of a year and a half.

He finds himself spending more time with Armin, whose taking almost the exact same schedule as him at school. He expresses his concerns, but Armin is at a loss of how to help. He’s never had a serious relationship and it’s never been a focus of his. Too busy trying to save the world, Eren guesses. Armin suggests talking to Mikasa and bringing up ways they can spend more time together again. Eren hesitates in asking, “Like what?”

They spend an evening avoiding homework and making a small list of ways that Eren can work around his schedule and hers to be together more often. Eren’s favorite suggestion is Armin’s first, the idea of, “Why not recreate your favorite memory with her?” He knows exactly which one he wants to redesign for her. He keeps the list in his pocket, littered with other smaller ideas they’d written down. (“Play hooky for a day.” “Be romantic and spontaneous – pick her up from her house after class one day and drive her somewhere new!”) He keeps this note in his pocket to remind himself to surprise her with it. 

When Eren sees her for the first time in almost two weeks, the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other before, it’s Mikasa who says, “Eren, I think… I think we need to talk.” 

He knows what’s coming. He supposes he should’ve predicted it. They haven’t spent much time together lately and they’ve both been absorbed in their lives outside of each other. He thinks of the small note tucked away in his pocket. He thinks of the fact that it’s December and the holidays are coming up, and that they should be spending them together. 

She’s sitting across from him, avoiding his eyes and tugging at the scarf he gave her around her neck. It’s almost an insult to break up with him and wear a gift of his at the same time. She’s biting at her thumb, picking away at the skin and rubbing it raw. The skin gives and cracks, blood trickling from of the small wound. 

The last time he had this conversation he was saying the exact same words to someone else before her, someone who was nameless and pointless, a relationship that hadn’t been serious to him – Mikasa isn’t any of those things. He starts recounting small things about her in his head.

“We’re just so busy and—”

She’s Mikasa Ackerman. She’s seventeen. She’s going to be a psychologist. 

“—I know we’ve both been so stressed out—”

She’s applied to the top school in the area and will no doubt receive an acceptance letter soon. She’s brilliant.

“—please answer me, Eren, I just want—”

They’ve been together a little over a year and a half. They’ve gone on more dates than he could ever count. He’s kissed her under hundreds of stars and streetlights. He loves her. 

“—Eren? Eren, I don’t want this to be harder than it has to be on either of us.”

They’ve only slept together once. They’ve also only had one anniversary, but it doesn’t matter because there won’t be a second for either of those things. He tries to smile, to reassure her that’s he’s okay, that he may not seem okay and he may not _really_ be okay, but he’s going to _be_ okay. 

But he can’t bring the words out and he stares down at his coffee cup. They haven’t even ordered food. She must’ve been planning to do it from the beginning, when she asked if he’d meet her here. He should’ve known it was odd. He’s always picked her up for dates. He figures it’s easier this way so she won’t have to deal with him on the way home. His fingers fiddle with the paper in his pocket, debating if it’s still worth mentioning. He wants to tell her to wait, that he’s been planning on surprising her again, just like the day they’d gone on their picnic together. 

When their waiter comes a few minutes later and Eren still hasn’t said anything, he feels Mikasa’s tension rise, her anxiety spike. She’s picking at the scab on her skin. She’s breaking off her nails, reducing them to stubs. He remembers how, on their first date, she’d comforted him with a hand on his. He’s not her boyfriend anymore and he suddenly feels awkward with this person whom he’s spent the last fifteen months loving. 

He assumes Mikasa dismisses their waiter, who comes back with a check. He takes it and pays for both their drinks and although he vaguely hears her protesting, he’s not really listening. He’s thinking of all the things they said they would do together, like go visit Japan and travel around Europe. He thinks of how the day after they slept together, Mikasa told him she always imagined having a large family, so her children would never be lonely. He’d kissed her blushing face and told her they’d have as many as she wanted. 

He’s sad, but she doesn’t look as sad as he feels, and that’s what really hits home with him. Maybe if he felt like she cared – he’d thought she had before this, anyway – he would feel there was something to fight for. But her face is so solemn and serious, so completely detached; he doubts there’s room for discussion in her words. She’s always so good at sticking to her guns. After dinner, he walks her to her car, because it’s polite and he’s been raised with manners. 

They awkwardly, carefully hold hands one last time on the way and when they get to her car, he softly kisses her cheek, the way he’d kissed it on their first date. He finds it strangely appropriate to end their last date the way they’d ended their first. 

“Goodbye, Mikasa.”

“Goodbye, Eren.”

For a second he’s sure he sees tears on her cheeks, small, fat, and round, but she moves so quickly into her car he can’t be certain; it must’ve been nothing more than a trick of the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who might've picked up the line I took from one of my favorite shows, _Girls_!  
>  Per usual, thank you again to my beta @lixalicious, who was willing to edit my porn scene even though I thought I'd die from embarrassment of writing and editing it.
> 
> Also, although it's posted at the top I'll add it here again: If anyone attempted reading this chapter in the first five-ten minutes of being posted, please refresh, as I did not realize there was an error in the way the paragraphs were lining up. I've since fixed them!


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